dispatchrabbi:

gentileproblems:

(A vague continuation of this post.)

• Should the interestingly pale, foreign gentleman your master is entertaining announce he does not drink…. wine, it is etiquette to send up a selection of port, brandy, and sherry, preferably via the most anaemic-looking maidservant.
• When one is perusing the papers, it is considered polite to read out loud about any mysterious disappearances in as carrying a voice as one can muster. This will endear you immensely to any plucky young governesses or cryptic maids that may be on staff.
• Discreetly cover eyeholes in paintings if your master is entertaining a pretty female guest. This will save much embarrassment later on.
• It considered sporting to leave something that may easily be forged into a makeshift weapon in every room, or at the very least to make certain the curtains billow in a sufficiently dramatic fashion.
• If young ladies of the household have mysterious paramours who speak in tongues and come from places unknown- do not panic! Whilst at first glance one may mistake them for Catholics, if they have horns, hooves, or recoil from the Good Book, it is quite probable that they are simply demons and should be treated with all due respect.
• When leaving candles in a secret passageway, be sure to take them out of the packaging first- one cannot explore catacombs in the knowledge that one’s light comes four for a penny from Leeds. Having candles pre-dribbled for purposes of ambiance is a nice touch, but not required.
• During the Ritual, (which varies from family to family, but tends to involve dark robes and ominous chanting) keep snickering to a minimum. If you’ve lasted longer than a month, your employers will tend to look the other way- finding servants who are incurious about muffled screams and mysterious stains is not as easy as it once was.

#for the record my horns are small and tasteful

Some people have all the luck. It’s become much harder to hide them once I started having short hair again.