“No, you cannot lockpick the cucumber.”

outofcontextdnd:

;

Party Downtime

outofcontextdnd:

Not only did you invent TV but the only channel is C-Span! What’s your alignment again?
-Party ranger to sorceress

At least I died stealthily.

(via outofcontextdnd)

I roll to search the shelves for vampire erotica.

party member during a betrayal at house on the hill themed gurps session (via outofcontextdnd)

outofcontextdnd:

Warrior to Wizard: “Quick, take my hand!”
*wizard grabs warrior’s hand*
Wizard: “Now what?”
Warrior: “Nothing, I just wanted to hold your hand”

“I sit in the corner and consider murder.”

outofcontextdnd:

.

outofcontextdnd:

“I need a few minions, have you seen any corpses nearby?”

“No”

“Could you make some?”

Necromancer to fighter

outofcontextdnd:

“How do you accidentally stage a prison break?!”

outofcontextdnd:

“The woman starts flirting with you, giving you compliments and whatnot”

“I assume she’s trying to kill me and attack with maximum prejudice.”

Gnomish Furniture

outofcontextdnd:

Gnome Sorcerer: “ I spend my last spell slots to cast Animate Object on a few couches so they may serve me.”

Drow Elf Rogue: “Oh great, it’s the return of the Ottoman Empire.”